this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
