well I can't set my house on fire every night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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