I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
