i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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