singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
