TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
