Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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