Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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