Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize