please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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