As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
