first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
