I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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