Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
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Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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