I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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