i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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