it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
