i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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