sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
