hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
