Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
