Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize