Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
