You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I love you.
Bad choice
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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