when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
