Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
