I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
