tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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