ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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