Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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