I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
