john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
