I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
