just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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