Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
