Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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