Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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