im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
