That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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