Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
