Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
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i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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