I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
