When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
