I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
