oh god the rape fog is back!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
