Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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