Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
