i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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