no, he came in my armpit
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
