Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She's JV to your varsity
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
