He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
