I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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