I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
