I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
