TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
