She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
