FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
