I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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