I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
