I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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