Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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