you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
