i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up under a house in Key West
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