Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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