I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
only if we run a train.
done.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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