it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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