I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
