Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
