; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
