so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
