hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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