I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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