absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
