My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
