it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
