we made out on top of his cat.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
