Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
did i walk over a car last night?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
