I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
