I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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