just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
