my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
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Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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